This One Small Thing Reveals the Depth of Your Relationship
The intensity of your relationships shows your connection with yourself.
Relationships are mirrors.
But if you’re standing far from the mirror or it is not clean, things look hazy.
Many people are afraid to peek inside themselves, which is why their relationships are superficial. They are afraid to jump inside themselves.
But the more you protect yourself from vulnerability, the farther you’re from love.
Superficial vs deep
Yesterday, my cousin, who works in the music industry, asked me, “I’ve seen people move on in relationships quickly as if the person never mattered. What is this?”
The answer that came was, “This shows the depth of their relationship. The more superficial their relationship is with the other, the easier it is to move on. But if it is deep, it is difficult to leave the relation casually.”
You work on your relationships when you’re serious. Everybody is imperfectly perfect as themselves, and two lovers try to make things work.
The longer and closer you are to someone, the more shortcomings you see. But when love is there, you embrace the other as they are.
Vulnerability brings insecurity. Love brings down your guard. You really see each other.
When you allow the other to see as you are, depth comes.
Being in love is easy. But growing in it is hard.
Why?
Because growing together takes time, effort, and pain.
Patience comes easily when everything is new. The problem arises when things become old. People take each other for granted. The relationship loses spark and becomes a chore.
To feel that aliveness, people jump from one to another, hoping to find that everlasting glow. The mind always thinks —
“Maybe that person was not right. Maybe the situation was not apt. Maybe I was immature.”
Maybe your reasons are true. Sometimes, maybe they are not.
Everybody has their desires, fantasies, and patterns. It is best to be ‘you’ until you feel the pull to know more.
When that intensity of understanding increases, you will notice your patterns. Once you recognize your patterns, it becomes somewhat easy to detach from them.
Then, relations don’t become entertainment but a source of wisdom.
Your relations reflect you.
We all vibrate at a certain wavelength and are attracted to those on that wavelength.
A gambler will get attracted to another gambler. Their vibes match. But it is difficult for an obsessive gambler to sit with a saint.
It is natural for frequencies to match to gel along.
I noticed that people who came into my life were similar to who I was then. The more I grew, the wiser people entered.
You can not search for a lovable partner if you are unkind to yourself.
In fact, we can not choose who comes into our lives. It just happens. Like a whiff of fresh air, they enter.
If you are casual in your relationship, only casual people will enter, no matter how desperately you want them to be serious.
The best thing is to grow into the person you want in your life.
The deeper relationship you’ve with yourself, the deeper relations you’ll have with others.
It is uncommon to take other’s feelings casually when you’re anchored in your depths.
Pain is inevitable in deep relationships. Not everybody is ready for that.
In life, everything is slowly moving towards flowering to its total potential, whether within you or outside (relationships).
Sometimes, the slow process can become fast. Love does that.
The moment it picks up pace, pain happens.
Imagine digging with your hands compared to a drilling machine. Slow digging with your hands may help you see the underneath pebbles and gently navigate their path around them. But the furious drilling machine will cut through every sand, stone, or mountain. The vibrations will crumble your foundation.
This brings intense pain and suffering.
It shakes you from your foundation. It questions your basic existence. It pushes you to the unknown, which is scary.
But once you know how to deal with this earth-shattering pain (without blaming the other), you will experience immense personal and spiritual growth.
As you grow on your personal journey, your relationships will grow deeper.
This can bring a huge transformation if you are already in a relationship.
Not everybody wants to grow. And if you choose to grow, then not everybody will support your growth. Not everybody will grow with you.
There can be two scenarios —
If the other doesn’t grow with you in the same direction, it leads to a painful or respectful separation.
If the other person is deeply involved with you, they have no choice but to grow with you.
The growth of one partner in a dedicated relationship automatically leads to the growth of another. Of course, this is not rosy. The path is full of struggles. Going out from comfort to unknown.
That is why many people avoid deep relationships, as it brings a hell of a lot of pain.
But those who know how to navigate it know this is for their benefit and will bring more inner growth and maturity.
So what is right — superficial or profound?
There is no right or wrong. It all depends on what you want from life and roll with it.
Maybe you just want fun. Maybe you want commitment. Maybe you’re just testing the waters to see if it fits you.
Whatever it is, be true to your inner desires without being cruel to others. Fighting with your inner self and going against what you’re never works. Show your authentic self.
Be you. And that is the right answer for you.
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