Joy Begins Where Pretending Ends - You Don't Need *Fake* Peace. You Need to Be Real. 😊
Joy can't be forced. It automatically flows in when heaviness is allowed to flow out.
Today, I saw a WhatsApp status that said, “The quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.”
Years ago, it made sense to me. I was a staunch optimist in my younger years.
I don’t know if I was wired that way or if I trained myself early on. But I mostly saw the bright side of things.
This wasn’t just surface-level optimism. It was deep-rooted. My smile didn’t come from pretending. It came from within, from a deep trust in life.
Positivity was my natural way of being. Not a coping mechanism, not spiritual bypassing, not toxic hope. Just honest optimism.
But here is the truth I know now…
As I walked further on my path, life began to weigh heavier. Something shifted.
Despite my lifelong optimism, I realized I can’t control my thoughts, emotions, or feelings.
If I’m angry, anxious, or sad, no amount of “positive thinking” can flip the switch.
I can suppress it or distract myself. I can try to smile.
But deep down? I know it is not real.
No matter how much I try, I can’t force myself into joy if something within is hurting.
And here’s the thing — most people are wearing a mask to cover what’s real inside.
They walk through the world smiling. But inside, there’s pressure. Guilt. Pain. Loneliness.
We’ve become so used to looking “fine” that we’ve forgotten how to be human.
You are not obliged to wear your emotions on your sleeve or display your real emotions to people.
In fact, I have acted normally in front of people despite being in extreme inner pain. Nobody would doubt a thing.
But I never actually evaded it. My room became a haven for crying or lying lifeless.
Being true to your inner self is the critical key.
You may not like to share with everyone, or heck, anyone. However, if you evade your truth, you can never truly experience peace, joy, or healing.
Why “You Can Control Your Thoughts” Can Be Harmful
Let’s get real.
Imagine if someone is feeling horny. How can they deliberately induce the thoughts of devotion and surrender?
Or if someone is grieving the loss of a loved one, how can they force the idea that life does things and everything happens for good?
Of course not.
Spirituality is not about ignoring your real feelings.
It’s about being honest with what’s here and bringing loving awareness to it.
It is about ‘being human’ and living this human life with utmost honesty and kindness (to self and others).
So, what can you do when life gets too much?
There are three stages I’ve seen in myself and in many seekers.
Stage 1: Try everything you can
If you believe you can do something about your situation, then do it with your whole heart.
Manifest. Affirm. Set goals. Make vision boards. Try healing modalities.
Take every step you believe might help.
And do it fully. Give your 100%.
Because hard work is better than the regret of doing nothing.
Stage 2: When things start to slip from your hands.
At some point, life goes beyond your control.
You try everything. Yet the situation stays the same. That’s when helplessness creeps in.
You feel numb. Confused. Powerless. Maybe even broken.
I’ve been here more times than I can count.
What do I do?
I do what I can… and then I let go.
I cry. I fall apart. I lock myself away from people and allow what’s real to rise.
I let everything out. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes weeks. And sometimes months.
And yes, it often feels like dying.
Because some part of me — some illusion, some ego is dying.
That pain is real, heavy, and suffocating. But the clarity that follows is also real and crystal clear.
Feminine vs. masculine energy in processing pain.
Over time, I’ve noticed something:
Those with prominent feminine energy (not about gender) tend to process pain through full emotional surrender — crying, breaking down, and feeling deeply.
Those with prominent masculine energy often struggle to cry easily. They may feel deeply, but they don’t know how to process it. They may become aggressive or overtly silent. They try to find a reason or logical solution.
Femininity feels and internalizes. Masculine energy understands through words, languages, intellect, and logic.
And this is where “honest awareness” helps.
What Is Honest Awareness?
It means being real with what you’re feeling. Even if it’s ugly.
Not dressing it up in spiritual language. Not hiding behind “everything happens for a reason” when you’re secretly crushed inside.
Why have I added ‘honest’ before awareness?
Because I noticed that some seekers project awareness onto the parts they want to focus on while ignoring the genuine feelings that arise within them.
Many spiritual seekers unconsciously bypass their own pain. They quote scriptures or philosophies, not realizing they’re avoiding the raw truth inside them.
They’re “aware” but only of what they’re willing to see. Not what actually needs their presence.
Your mind is clever. It will protect you from what you don’t want to see.
Suppose they feel guilty. Instead of accepting and being aware of the guilt that arises, they will hide behind spiritual words, such as “life did it, not me,” etc. Instead of acknowledging their hurtful words, they will excuse themselves, “I flow with life. I don’t think much.”
It is easy to dismiss.
But actual awareness can’t come if you don’t know what needs your awareness.
Peace begins the moment you let yourself be real. Being honest is the first criterion for shining your awareness.
Stage 3: The Realization That You Can Do Nothing
This stage can’t be forced. It arrives like a quiet whisper after all your efforts have failed.
You realize, “I can’t do this anymore. Not with effort. Not with will.”
You may call this stage utter helplessness or divine grace. It depends on where you are right now.
Either way, something inside softens. The burden lifts. Surredner happens.
You stop clinging to control, and you start allowing life to unfold.
As this realization sinks in deeper, you become free from the role of the doer.
But it can’t happen if you are holding on to things too tightly in your life.
What keeps you stuck? The things you won’t let go of.
Often, what traps us are the things we hold too tightly —
The belief we must always be strong and live in certain way.
The identity of being spiritual and what you believe you are.
The image of having it all together and figuring it all.
The attachment to people, roles, power, or outcomes.
But the more tightly you grip, the more trapped you become.
And ironically, the moment you loosen your grip, life begins to breathe again.
Final thoughts
You don’t need to control your thoughts to live a beautiful life.
You just need to stop pretending.
Stop holding it all in. Stop forcing positivity when your soul needs silence.
Be honest. Be present. Be kind to what’s rising in you.
Because, truthfully, peace doesn’t come from perfect thoughts. It comes from real presence.
What do you think of it…share your heartfelt comments below…👇
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